Friday, August 23, 2013

Your Approval Is Not Needed.

So this post is going to be a more serious one. There will be no pictures but I hope that won't stop you from sticking around.
Yesterday here in Las Vegas, a news story aired regarding three recent cases of infants dying in their sleep. This newscast literally bashed co-sleeping. There was no sugar coating as it went into the "ABC's of baby sleeping". I don't think I have been this appalled by something in a long time and as horrible as the newscast itself was, what unfolded after that was worse. Katie and I co-sleep with our youngest. We have since day 1. We are always careful and she wakes at the slightest stir or sound. I also know that when I have to move at night I physically wake up and roll myself over in one spot without moving side to side. We have a cal-king bed. This post is not a post of me defending ourselves though because I do not feel that I need to.
The reason that I felt the need to write this is because a person we considered to be a friend decided to spread the hate, so to speak. I KNOW THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY AND THIS IS MINE. Take it how you will but I need to get this off my chest. After sharing the news story on her personal page with some ridiculous caption that honestly slips my mind now we left it alone for a short period of time but eventually Katie needed to say something.
Do not get me wrong, EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OPINIONS ON ANYTHING and we are never in a shortage of judgmental opinions about our household. We are a lesbian couple raising two beautiful boys. Our boys share the same father and know that he is their father. With our first I was unable to breastfeed and there is plenty of scrutiny thrown my way for that. With our second child we have decided to "go green", we cloth diaper, I am making homemade soaps and the like, we co-sleep, we are currently awaiting our amber necklace. All things we did not do the first time around. So as you can see, there are plenty of things to judge my household on.
 Moving on though, here is where the trouble began, this is EXACTLY what Katie said: 
If done right by a responsible adult cosleeping can be amazing, Kayson has slept in bed with Gail and I since the day we got home from the hospital. Its idiots who do it wrong that gives cosleeping a bad rep. Cosleeping also just about eliminates the risk if sids. I would not have it any other way and I know that the safest place for my son is right next to me. If one of the parents is on drugs or drinking of course precautions need to be made but the people that don't put their baby first put their baby at risk.
I do not personally see anything wrong or attacking in that response. Do you? From there this person decided it would be a good idea to ramble off a bunch of nonsense:
 I would rather play safe then sorry. i calue my childrens life. we used a bassinet next to our bed. 4 inches away can safe a life Babies should sleep ALONE, on their BACK and in a CRIB. (ABC's) High school child ed...Early ed in college. They also taught us this and every child hood class i took.
Now the way those things were posted seemed to me like an attack. Like this person honestly tried to say that we don't value the lives of our children. NOTHING could be farther from the truth! These things were literally sent in five different posts. I responded with:
Oh but we don't Value our childrens lives? Wonderful.
From there it turned into some back tracking about how every parent values their child differently. Personally, I think that's a joke. Then I was told that I don't think anyone is allowed an opinion. That's not true. And I always have to be mad blah blah blah. So before I could say anything else on the matter Katie and I were deleted. So I sent what I had been typing up to comment in a message. I was then called insane. Which has its own comical humor behind it, followed by being blocked. I was dumbfounded to say the least. Someone who claimed to love our family and claimed to be a friend honestly reacted this way.
So on to why I felt the need to post this here. This sat with me last night and then all day today. To be honest I am proud of how I handled the situation because I have a temper and yesterday I was not having the best day to begin with. I was ready for a fight. I did not fight and I did not call names either. I was calm and then blew it off. The fact that it has sat in my mind and in my heart for 24 hours now though has allowed me to reflect and sitting here doing that prior to writing this it popped into my head that no ones approval is needed. I do not need to please anyone or live up to some ridiculous guidelines. 
It all comes down to the fact that fear mongers are going to do whatever they can to spread fear. You can have an opinion on ANY topic either FOR or AGAINST and you will be able to find ample "scientific" evidence to back that up. In the end what matters are your instincts as a parent and doing what is best for you and your child. NO ONE ELSE'S APPROVAL IS NEEDED!
That "friendship" is one that will NEVER be rekindled and to be completely honest, I am not even remotely upset about that. My life up until our first was born revolved around pleasing others. I put others comfort and happiness before mine. After seeing Big Brothers smiling face and realizing that I had someone who depended on me, I knew that my happiness needed to be put first, or second to only his. I know that there is no handbook on parenting but our boys are beautiful, healthy and Big Brother is one smart cookie and he's only 3. These boys are my life, my love, my world and nothing will ever change that.
So I guess what all this boils down to is that I am so glad to be at a place in my life where I don't need any one's approval or opinion.


  1. I was at a Le Leche League meeting the other day and the topic of co sleeping came up. One of the midwives had a great comment about it. She said, SIDS is also known as CRIB DEATH. Yes, CRIB death. Not co sleeping death, not bed death. CRIB death. Makes you think a little, huh?

    1. You know what that's right! I am not sure why that connection wasn't made with me. I had a niece who died of SIDS at 2 months old so I know the fears and the pain that come with that so to think that I wouldn't have our babies best interests at heart is ridiculous.